So on Monday, January the 5th, I'm driving along on Interstate-24 and I realize that the full throttle fury that I shotgunned has quickly worked its way through my digestive system, and has begun to put a significant strain on my bladder. I then peep a sign for a rest area approaching. My keen knowledge of interstate travel is well aware that the rest stop is the quickest way to get rid of bodily waste and be able to quickly re-enter the highway. This exact thought it was kept me from stopping in the town of Paducah. As I pass the town of Paducah, I see the sign for the rest stop one mile away in the distance. I also see my new friend. I really enjoy seeing her in her natural habitat, I wish she would stay there rather than venturing out onto major interstates.
I see her and another friend about to dash into the highway. In a millisecond I quickly assess my options. I realized that I cannot go into the right hand lane because I will hit the other deer. I also realize that if I speed up I will hit the lead deer AND possibly my friend as well. My only option is to honk, slam on the brakes, and turn onto the grass but not too hard. I honk, I slam, I turn, but these actions were not enough, as my friend slams into the side of Shadow and rolls onto the hood. As this occurs a small shard of glass flies onto my thumb. I curse the deer and throw the shard of glass out of my thumb and move over to the side of the road. I realize that my thumb is bleeding, not profusely, but enough for me to be annoyed. I go to the trunk of the car and grab the first shirt that is not in a bag. This just to happens to be the shirt that my sister in law JUST gave me. As soon as I put the shirt on my bloody thumb, I realize this was a terrible idea, however at this point I also realize that I already bled on the shirt, so there is no point in bloodying up something else.After calling AAA to come get me, and calling my insurance, and talking to a police officer who was without a band-aid, I eventually get picked up by the tow truck company and arrive at Jason's Collision Center in Paducah. My insurance tells me that they can get me a rental car, and this shop can do the repairs, however there is only one slight problem. Both Enterprises, a couple budgets and a Hertz are ALL out of rental cars. I use my great machine of a phone and see that a greyhound to Nashville leaves in about 30 minutes, that time quickly elapses as my insurance company continues to call everyone in the greater Paducah area in search of a rental car. They eventually find a Hertz that is able to rent me a car that was built for a homosexual man living in San Francisco. (nothing against gay people or people living in San Fran, just this car is PERFECT for both) none other than a 2008 Toyota Yaris.
I eventually venture out to the Paducah Airport (yes Paducah, Kentucky has an airport) pick up my Yaris and head back to Jason's collect some of my belongings from Shadow and get back onto the highway, but before I did I took a few photos of the carnage.
Now I know inevitably people, probably Maggie and Lauren are asking the same questions... like geez James weren't you supposed to be leaving on Sunday morning to make sure you were back in Nashville to watch Scrubs with us? And dang James, Shadow has not looked this sexy in a while... the slight blemish from the car wash incident is gone, and she is SHINING!
Well thanks for asking those questions... you are right, I was supposed to. However, I decided to have Shadow visit a body shop to repair a couple of slight blemishes. Shadow was supposed to be picked early in the morning on Sunday, however she was not ready until around 9pm at night, which delayed my departure from the St. Louis area. Wow you say, so you are telling me that not even 12 hours after picking up your car from the body shop it was probably totaled? WTF!!!!!
P.S. The deer lived through the accident, but is probably injured and unable to defend itself from predators
